The Second Part IV
The final exert from The Second
My mind is full of so many things. Grief, pain, anger, sadness, future thoughts, past thoughts, present thoughts all feel intrusive at this moment. I don't know what I would do if I could I am just doing. I read a subtitle that said one shouldn't look for purpose in another's death. This isn't my purpose, this making death a welcome for the living. Years ago I clumsily made this sentiment and sentimentality may have placed me here so I'm doing the thing and trying my best not to think about it, too much. It has taken a lot of help and that I am grateful for. Most of it comes without even asking. That makes it easier. What I have asked for is mostly given to me. What isn't I don't mind.
We approach the end of the first month of 2023. I would not have expected to be here in this way and there is a long way to go. I'm leaning away from releasing the mixtape for The Second. As much as I have stolen from corporate entities the timing doesn't seem right. Odd that I operate so much on timing. I've said before that generally I have good timing. I'm sure it's a synonym for some instinctive reasoning wired into me. That there really is no path to follow I can never be lost and always arrive when or where with the things I carry. These are sentiments I carry. I don't expect to be welcomed.
Laying in bed I have the thought that I should write my will. In a way it's my last self assessment being of sound mind and body. I want there to be an ease in my death. That whatever goodbyes be said outdoors by a fire. In the event that my body is found don't embalm me. Wash my body in saltwater and lavender oil. Empty my bowls, remove my lungs, take out my tongue, and remove my eyes. I will have prepared things to take their place. Place my heart in my open hands. Take all the flowers that grief has given over to my corpse and place them in my hair and around my body. Burn my body on a pyre in the lake behind my great grandmother’s home. If I have completed what I want the place should be obvious. If not, let me go peacefully. Take care of my pets. If I have any money that is unattached give it to a food bank. Let the people eat in my absence.
This is the last poem of, _________. Thanks for listening.
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